1 Samuel 30:6

6And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.

Webster's 1828 dictionary definition: encourage

ENCOUR'AGE, v.t. enkur'rage. To give courage to; to give or increase confidence of success; to inspire with courage, spirit, or strength of mind; to embolden; to animate; to incite; to inspirit.

I'm not really sure the whys or wherefores; I just 'feel low. Is it physical or just emotional or is one causing the other? I'm not sure. I think haywire hormonal imbalance is part. Nonetheless, I know God is faithful. The scripture that comes to mind was one Miss Gamble was famous for quoting: David encouraged himself in the Lord...when I look up 'encourage' in Webster's dictionary, I see words like courage, embolden, inSpirit!

I'm guessing it's time for me to shut this down and spend time in the Word - to encourage myself in the Lord. For by my God, I can run through a troop and leap over a wall!

Psalm 18:28-30

28For thou wilt light my candle: the LORD my God will enlighten my darkness.

29For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall.

30As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.

Stuffed up, but still getting air

Today is the day before the Thanksgiving festivities. So much to do, cleaning, prep work, cooking and here I sit at the computer. I'm all stuffed up in my sinuses. Little air is getting through so I'm not fully breathing through my mouth. I'm just 'snuffing' a lot. It's bearable, but not optimal.

Isn't that just how most of us spend our spiritual lives? Spiritually alive, but not optimal. We listen to Christian radio, but are not avidly in the WORD like we are the latest 'religiously themed' book or the latest "IN" TV program. Why is that? Why is it when the winds of trial blow, we fall over? Is it because we are spiritually fed and watered, or is it because we've filled our spirit man with preservatives and synthetic materials instead of the meat of the WORD and the fellowship - you know the One-on-One time with our Lord, that our spirit man is stuffed up. Breathing, but not optimally. Why are we not more discerning? More loving, but with mercy and justice, walking humbly with our God. He has shown us, but if we are not looking in the right direction for our focus, we are becoming blinded by the angel of light and we lose hope. Let us blow out the dust of this world, do a cleanse with tears of repentance, wash our walk with the soul cleansing blood of the Lamb, get back to our post...on our knees, on our faces, in His Word and in His time, making something beautiful of our lives. Then we will be on track to birth our Isaacs, not impatiently forcing issues and bringing Ishmaels into our lives...That's it; take a deep cleansing breath...
See, aren't we feeling better already!

My heart, Whose Home?

There's a song by Lanny Wolfe that says "if you're not Lord of everything, then You're not Lord at all."
One throne room. One throne. Who sits there today? Was it my desire? Was it my husband's or children's? Did I put something else on the throne today? Was it my need to be right, my need to be loved, or my need to be left alone? What does it mean to be Lord? What does the world think the church means to be Lord? What does the world see as how the church behaves? Does it see her as the virginal bride-to-be, waiting her beloved groom? Does it see her as the town party girl - staining her dress, her vows, her bed, only to be scrubbing them quickly as dawn approaches. Is the dust of the night blown off? Is the smell of the burning earth been 'febreezed' off? How did my life impact my world today? Did it make any difference, to anyone , that I say "Jesus lives in me?" If my Jesus is LORD and I'm His handmaiden in service, really, please tell me, how does that look to you?
"From the inside out, God's looking at me. From the inside out, I hope He likes what He sees. From the outside, I might not look so good, but you might change your mind, if only you could, see me from the inside out." Or...
would you?
Make me like you, please, make me like You. You are a servant, make me one too. O Lord I am willing, do what You must do, to make me like You, Lord. Make me like You.

under dressed

Ever feel like you invited to a costume party, only when you got to the party, you were the only one wearing a costume and the only one with egg all over you? Or that you'd had a bad dream, been sleep walking only you find yourself really awake after all and you've stumbled into a party room and everyone stares and snickers...It's then you remember you sleep au naturelle and you have no where to hide?
This is where I feel I am... Always longing to be an insider, never quite making it anyway, then saying or doing the proverbial wrong thing... If I ever had to do another college paper and it was a descriptive one, I think mine might be entitled "My life as a prune".
Facing facts that you are doing no one any favors is pretty tough. To be able to just shut up and become an introvert, when all you've ever been is an extrovert is like asking a frog to never move from his lily pad. Yet it's what I want. To fit in, to fill in the background. The one always smiling and being smiled at. The one whose motives are never questioned.
Yeah, that is it. Utopia...
Now where did I leave my address book... I was just about up to the "U"s...

Tired and oh, so weary

Today has been a long week. What started to be a quiet explanation of a request for prayer and why, by entering a wrong address has now turned a lot of internet worlds upside down. Intent misinterpreted, twisted and skewed to mean hate and judgment. Do I go or do I do I stay? Do I add a group apology or keep it to the ones I privately conferred. The things I am being castigated for are the things that are being skewered at me. Funny how that works. Yet, I opened this can, so I must take responsibility for the results. Some of it, though hurtful, I'm ok with. Hurting innocent people who truly care for all, was the hardest part. I made someone else cry. It bites hard.
What can I learn? Keep out of discussions, keep mouth shut, just keep things light. It suits me fine. It's cold and drafty and harsh up here on the outer walls. The armor has holes in it and the feet are o so pained. The chest aches and the mind blurs.
It's time for the infirmary; stoke back into the word...that's been too far and few between lately. Good thing I had reserves. Will it be time for retreat? Is there ever a time for retreat?
Does the pain ever go away? Will I always be more apt to do the wrong thing at the wrong time or will there ever be a word 'aptly' given?
I feel so like a sponge, absorbing so much anger, hostility, frustration around me. I'm not sure who or what I am...what is my calling?
I'm just weary Lord...

Well, Im tired and so weary but I must go along,
Till the lord comes and calls, calls me away, oh, yes,
And the mornins so bright and the lamb is the light,
And the night, night is as black as the sea, oh, yes.

Chorus

There will be peace in the valley for me, some day,
There will be peace in the valley for me, dear Lord, I pray.
Therell be no sadness, no sorrow, no trouble I see,
There will be peace in the valley for me.

The bear will be gentle and the wolf will be tame,
And the lion shall lie down with the lamb, thats what it
Says, and the beasts from the wild will be led by a child,
And I will be changed, changed from this creature that I am, oh, yes.